Mental weirdness

Fall approaches 

     In daily life, social interaction involves some unspoken cultural rules. This contact and social interaction creates rigidity and patterns, repetition, practice. Mental exercise can exhaust me as much as physical work. When I'm at a show or in public, even amongst friends, if the gathering is too large, I feel "on" and aware of my behavior and the perceived expectations of others. It alters and influences my subsequent words and actions regardless of my intention that it not influence my behavior. If the group is small, say one-on-one or -two, my brain relaxes as the "rules" lessen. So that means –sometimes– that when I am alone but not meditating, my mind relaxes yet is still stimulated. I let it free associate. Wild ideas come out. Odd pairings of words or sounds. Since it's just me and the cats and dogs most afternoons, I'll occasionally speak these things out loud and try to uncouple what I say from  intention and see what happens. If I'm feeling industrious, I'll write it down in a notebook. The act of writing, adding that motor skill, changes the free association even more. I try to expand the absurdity and let words and sounds affect the next word or sound without logic. Like playing with my neural connections. My notebook reads as if I'm on some powerful drugs. I suppose it's my way of letting my brain relax in a hot tub. 

     Or I'm practicing my dementia. 

     Namaste, y'all.